059: Daring to Fight with Victoria Mininger

As our final episode of Season One of the Begin Again Leadership podcast, we've saved our BEST begin again story for last. 

A second chance.  Three of the most beautiful, hopeful words ever spoken. 

Victoria Mininger never set out to write a book, much less a book about depression.  In fact, she didn’t really even aspire to be an author. 

Yet, after a season when overwhelm turned to darkness, Victoria dared to fight.  Her second chance not only helped herself, it's now helping thousands. 

Writing is hard work.  A book always seemed like a daunting task.  And it is. And yet, when the need outweighs the excuses, somehow a book is what you get.

And WHAT a book! Daring to Fight: When Grit, Grace & Faith Take Depression Head-On  is now available on Victoria's website and soon on Amazon. 

I LOVE this book so much that I've already given away copies to friends who need a word of inspiration during a very challenging time. 

Victoria is a wife, mom of four, Owner, CEO and Integrator of Bear Creek Outdoor Living ( a Residential Construction Firm), Writer, Author, Speaker, hands in the dirt gardner & farm girl.  And a great friend from a faith and business Mastermind we've been part of for several years.

I know you are going to enjoy part 1 of our time with Victoria.  --Winston

Links from the Show

Bear Creek Outdoor Living (company website)
Daring to Fight: When Grit, Grace and Determination Take Depression Head On (Amazon)
Daring to Fight book trailer (YouTube)
VictoriaMininger. com (speaker website)

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So, let's draw deeper faith, inspiration and encouragement in our Begin Again moments.  

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Remember, the biggest Breakthroughs in life and business occur the moment you decide to #BeginAgain.

Transcript

Winston Faircloth: 0:12

Hey there, it's Winston Faircloth and welcome back to Episode 59 of the Begin Again Leadership Podcast. Well, it's almost a year to the day since we started this podcast. And this is the end of season one of our begin again, leadership podcast. And I am so happy to bring you a story that I think is like the ultimate wrap up of this very first season a Begin Again story that is just going to touch your heart and inspire you to take action. And my guest today is Victoria Mininger. Now, who is she? Well, she's a wife, a mom of four, owner, CEO and integrator, Bear Creek outdoor living, which is a residential construction firm. But she's also an author, writer, and speaker. And she is an amazing member of a mastermind that I'm a part of, and she has the Her story is been wrapped up in a beautiful book that is coming out in early January 2021, which is called

Daring to Fight: 1:26

When Grit, Grace and Faith Take Depression Head-on. And I know you're going to love this conversation with Victoria. So Victoria, welcome to the Begin Again Podcast.

Victoria Mininger: 1:38

Well, thank you for having me, Winston, I appreciate it. Good to be here.

Winston Faircloth: 1:42

So tell us a little bit about who you are the people that you serve, and maybe a begin again moment in your own life.

Victoria Mininger: 1:49

Yeah, so I'm a wife, to Brian, for the last 24 years is are the most important things. And I am a mom to four girls. I am a CEO and integrator at Bear Creek outdoor living, which is a construction company that I own and run with my husband. And so we we have a team about 39 staff right now. So really, you know, while we serve a large clientele in our area for all their construction outdoor needs for us who we truly feel like we serve as our people first and foremost, and that sort of thing. And as far as to Begin Again, story, I think probably started probably about six years ago, when I went through a really dark season of depression and anxiety. And it was out of that season that I actually started the company that I run now. And so yeah, I think that probably would be my biggest begin again moment. I can think of

Winston Faircloth: 2:40

I was gonna say it sounds like to in one here, both a personal and a professional version of that. So where would you like to? I think this is a fascinating story. I think so many people are going to be helped and served by you sharing. So where would you like to start,

Victoria Mininger: 2:57

I think probably started the beginning of that, which was really that season that that dark season for me because it was out of that, like it said that the business kind of started and for me, personal professional, they they cross so often that they just become the kind of they become one.

Winston Faircloth: 3:14

Exactly. I think it's hard to separate that both for your people and for you as the leader, right. So it's, it's kind of hard to show up. As I recall, you feeling the sense of overwhelm this, this kind of dark season came up gradually. It was not like a catastrophic, a moment or event it came upon you kind of gradually

Victoria Mininger: 3:34

again, it did it really was probably building over two years. And now that I look back, I realized that it was there, you know, having a degree in psychology and all that you would think that I would like recognize the symptoms and yeah, no, I didn't. I was like two years in and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, okay, let me start being honest with myself. This is probably what's happening. And really, it was coming out of a season of just extremely busy for for me and my family. My husband at the time was a pastor by vocational pastor. So he was working a lot of hours and running a ministry at the same time. I was Pap, why? I've been raising for a lot season two, you know, cause some of that overwhelm. And part of that, you know, my part of that was that I just took on too much for too long. And I crashed hard, kind of at the end of that season.

Winston Faircloth: 4:29

Yeah, there's you reach this moment of threshold, right where you were trying to juggle the business. The role of being a minister's wife. All of these things were kind of around you at the same time and you hit this threshold and I remember in your book you you had a moment that of recognition finally that this was enough.

Victoria Mininger: 4:55

I did yeah. I was actually doing some side work that that my husband had picked up I was painting at home possible things and and stuff. But it gives you a lot of time to think when you're painting a really big house. And so it was it was this moment of going, if I don't drop everything right now, I may not be here next year. And that had never crossed my mind ever before. I have always been one who's been very outgoing and bubbly and worked hard, had no trouble working hard. And it was a new thought to say, I'm going to let everybody down because that's how I felt and drop everything right now. So I can take care of myself. And that was a new concept. Taking care of myself was an incredibly new concept for me.

Winston Faircloth: 5:37

As a recovering people pleaser, I've recognized this moment. And you know, we all grew up with this. put others first mindset put others first mentality. And you probably

Victoria Mininger: 5:47

I did well, I grew up on a dairy farm for one. And if you ever grow up on a farm, you know, work is never ever done. You get you know, you just work until it's finished until the next day starts. But you know, growing up is in my book, you know, sitting in Sunday school and the Sunday school teacher, you know, talking about the joy of the Lord Joe why, and it stood for Jesus others in yourself. And what I took that to me was, Oh, well, I must always put Well, Jesus first, but then others next, and then myself very elected the end degree, and got that really backwards in a lot of parts of my life. It's not that we don't care well for others. But when we do that at the expense of our own health and our own self care, then we really put people at risk, you know, the people we care for at risk just as much.

Winston Faircloth: 6:33

It's really hard to serve people. Well, when we feel so depleted.

Victoria Mininger: 6:37

Yeah, it does very well. There's nothing to get from, you know, it's it's this whole empty cup you can't get from an empty cup. You know, as our friend Dan Miller said, you have to get out of the overflow of what what's been filling you up. And I wasn't doing that most certainly.

Winston Faircloth: 6:52

So you you've literally hit a wall. I mean, it's almost figuratively you've hit a wall here. And so what happens next? I mean, how do you how do you overcome that situation?

Victoria Mininger: 7:04

Honestly, I didn't know I, I definitely hit a wall, I dropped everything, all the ministries off my plates, all the responsibilities I had at the time, my husband is part of his work, he was working somewhat from home. And so he was a he literally picked up all the responsibilities of our family of all the ministry stuff, it shifted, where it needed to shift. And I literally laid on the couch for it's about three months, because I wish I just had hit that wall so hard. And I didn't quite know what to do next, I spent a lot of time praying and crying out to God, I started looking for resources and, and people to come save me and none of that belay bear until that moment that I just felt like God really broke through and just said, Okay, it's time to start getting up and start doing something because he was the only one that was going to save me from that place. And, and, but I was going to need to do some efforts, in that I was going to need to take some figurative and literal steps to start getting healthy again.

Winston Faircloth: 7:56

And that's what you did, you actually took a walk, because every call

Victoria Mininger: 8:00

I did around the calco. Because at the time, we actually lived on a little bit of a of a farm ourselves, we had about 10 acres there. And I got up and I just put my shoes on and I'm like, Okay, I'm just gonna walk around the fields, and I'm probably gonna be exhausted, but I'm gonna at least do this once. And I only went around one time that day. And progressively from there, I started walking more and more. Because, again, now that you know, a lot of what I know now is that when we start moving, and we start exercising, it begins to help us not only physically, but mentally as well. And so that was really the beginning for me, and also the beginning of my search of, Okay, how do I really get back to help? I don't want to stay here. I knew I didn't. And so it was a long road, it's been a long road, I will never tell anybody that, Oh, well, you know, I just started walking. And then I was all better, because it's not true. You know, the reality was I had to do a bunch of different things, and continue to do those things today, six years later, in order to stay and remain healthy. And it's a fight. It's hard. It's not easy at all.

Winston Faircloth: 9:01

And what I loved about your book, when you shared the story was that it's almost like you're hacking yourself here in terms of, you know, figuring out what is really going to help you come through this dark season. And you know, whatever other people have done, or whatever other people have tried may or may not work for me or may not work for you. And you You seem you had the spirit of experimentation it felt like to me as I was reading your story and watching you go through that.

Victoria Mininger: 9:32

Yeah, it for me It had to be because I you know, I look for resources, and most certainly there are resources out there. But I was looking for a more holistic resource of, you know, because I knew that it couldn't just be one thing. It wasn't about just going to the doctor or the counselor. All of those are important and necessary at times. But yeah, it was I was kind of like reverse psychology on myself, I guess a bit, but it was kind of Yeah, figuring out what were those things and and yeah, you Right. I mean, depression and anxiety is super complex, there is no easy answer or even one answer to just what might work for one person, I've sat with enough people long enough and in, in leading support groups long enough to know that every single person is unique and different. And how they approach that in their life is going to be a little unique and different. But But what is the same is the pain comes from that season. And so it's learning to address that pain in a holistic way so that you can begin to get some traction.

Winston Faircloth: 10:33

So what did you find to be most effective for you in your own kind of psychological hacking? You have figuring this out for yourself, what was really helpful for you?

Victoria Mininger: 10:43

Yeah, I think it was, you know, like I said, I approach it a lot of different ways. I went to the doctor saw counselor for season of time, worked at my health, but honestly, it was learning how to play to rhythms into my life. So like, in the morning, I have a very specific morning rhythm that I go through, you know, getting up making sure I have quiet time and prayer meditation, and then spending some time reading as and then an evening rotation of a rhythm where, you know, I'm pausing from the day and maybe doing some reflecting, and then just some reading and just kind of, you're not always having to do anything really resting. And then I have rhythms to my week where you know, specific days, I do specific things. And that kind of thing, is what has helped me the most, so that I'm making sure that I'm staying on track. And I can tell you, if I get out of rhythm on some days, like if I'm traveling or whatever, I can begin to sense and feel those things now. And I just know, I need to pause and get back to my rhythms.

Winston Faircloth: 11:37

So this, this journey ultimately led you to sharing your stories for a book, How did that come about?

Victoria Mininger: 11:45

Well, I can tell you, I did not set out to write a book. And I feel like I'm a little bit of an accidental author. But I had been leading a support group for the last year and a half and again, was struggling to find kind of curriculums that worked for our group. And I was a lot of times in those classes, sharing my own story. So find the like Victoria would give, please just write this down, you know. And then I had folks within my mastermind group that just really encouraged me. And so I honestly started out to just write it like a small little eight week curriculum. And as I wrote that, I'm like, I can't really write this without telling my story a little bit. And so that, that it became and started developing into a book. And yeah, so now now we have a book getting ready to launch and super excited about that. And, and again, just follow the breadcrumbs on that one as much as I could.

Winston Faircloth: 12:34

And so we will, we'll have you on as a guest to tell your business part of this story a little bit later. But I think it's just been a remarkable journey for you in terms of the vulnerability, the openness and the willingness to share this kind of change. How are you feeling? Now? what's what's Kovats thrown everything up in the air? For sure. So staying with those rhythms has really helped you through this process? with COVID.

Victoria Mininger: 13:07

Yes, yeah, staying with rhythms and also surrounding yourself with healthy people, people that that, you know, are willing or able to speak into your life and you stay connected to it's been hard during COVID. Right, it's had to do a lot of zoom meetings, it's been a lot of phone conversations. And that's the thing that's so much gathering in person, but staying connected to those those people that really can influence your your life and in a good direction way. It's also Yeah, staying with the rhythms, you know, knowing when you get off track and, and grieving losses. I think COVID has been one of those things where we're experiencing losses in our life, because loss is not just the loss of somebody that has passed away loss can be of a job, or rhythms or just normal life as we knew it and stuff. And so, you know, to be mindful about that. But really, I wrote the book, because I knew I wasn't the only one that folks were before. It was like, Yeah, I'd read books and stuff. And they would tell me to, you know, well just have more faith or or just go do this or whatever. But there was no practical way. Like, how did how do you hold on to that? What do you What does that mean? And so finding real practical ways to care for myself has been super helpful in this in this crazy year that it's been.

Winston Faircloth: 14:13

And the other thing I think that I loved about your your reflection in the book, too, was when you have people in your life that you love, and you see that they're in this kind of a dark season, how to best be with them how to best respond to that.

Victoria Mininger: 14:26

Yeah, and we all do we all know somebody that's walking through this and so because I can tell you that I think people are surprised at times that I went through that season. You know, I'm a business owner. Now I run a successful company, and they look at my life and like, oh, it must be just great and stuff, but I went through this really dark season, because depression affects every single person. It is no respecter of person. It doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, whatever. It affects people at all levels, all ages. And, and so yes, we all I think know somebody that's walking through a dark time or maybe maybe moving into one So one of the things I learned, you know, our flesh response wants to say, Well, if someone's really hurting, we're gonna give them time and space, and we're going to step away. But what they need is the presence of people. They don't need to to have the answers or necessarily know exactly what to do, but simply to stay present with them. You know, I had one friend during that dark season that would just send me text messages every once in a while she lived at a distance, so we couldn't always get together. But she would, she would just like, hey, just wanna let you know, I'm thinking about you, whatever, you don't have to respond. just want you to know, I'm thinking about you. I'm still here. And that was my lifeline for a long time for a long, long time of my struggle and stuff. And so yeah, I, I think that's, that's the biggest piece of advice I can give is stay present with people, let them know that you care.

Winston Faircloth: 15:47

Beautiful. is so so important in it, especially in the season, we're having to be distant from each other. And we're having to do mostly virtual type connections. Even more important, I think. So tell us about the book and and how people can get it, how they can connect with you more importantly.

Victoria Mininger: 16:08

Yeah, absolutely. Well, the book is called daring to fight. When grit, Grace and face take depression head on. And it'll be releasing January 12 2021. So depending on when you're listening to this, you can either pre order it now, or if it's after January 12, you certainly can find it, wherever you are sold. And for right now, you know, before that launch, release, you can also find it over on my website, Victoria, Menninger calm. And so there, you know, I do some blogging there. And then, as well as on Facebook, I have an author's page, Victoria minear. And then over on Instagram, too, you could find me there. And there's a little bit more about my family and life. And I do a little bit of everything. But that's where you can find me.

Winston Faircloth: 16:49

Well, thank you so much for sharing your inspiration, hope and your experience here today with our audience, I know you've really touched a lot of lives. And I have to tell everyone on this podcast, I have ordered, I've ordered more books to start giving away because I've enjoyed it so much. I've given my own copy away. Now I'm starting to order more copies is that meaningful, important to share. So I know you're gonna really benefit from this book, and I can't wait for you to get your hands on it. So thank you, Victoria, for being our guest on the podcast today. Well, thank

Victoria Mininger: 17:21

you for having me and helping to just give you this conversation and get the message out, I really appreciate it.

Winston Faircloth: 17:27

So I'm going to include in the show notes today, a link to Victoria's book. I love this book, I have given it out multiple times already. I've ordered it from her direct site, which I'll include in the show notes. And it's time, you can also pre order it on Amazon, if you want to order it there. So I'll have links to both here in the show notes. And I just want to say thank you so much for subscribing and being part of season number one on the begin again leadership podcast. And for our next episode, we're going to have the promised change that I've been talking about now for several weeks, a new focus for the podcast. And we're going to have a very special guest Season Two coming up next week. And as a reminder, you can catch our next episode every Monday morning, make sure to subscribe on Apple podcast or any of your favorite podcast players, so you don't miss a single episode. And check out the show notes for a special thank you when you leave a heartfelt review as we've shared on every episode number from number one to 59 remember the biggest breakthroughs in life and business occur The moment you decide to begin again. I'll catch you on the next episode.